Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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