tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
