she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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