I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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