i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
