your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
