Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
