Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
