As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
