if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
