you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
