would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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