We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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