Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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