And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
