Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
