What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
