i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
