wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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