I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
