3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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