you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
