I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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