Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
