I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
