You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
