You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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