New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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