Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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