A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
