Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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