At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
