I just pynch a tree in the face
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
