the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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