For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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