You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
