I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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