I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
