I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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