Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize