She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
