quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
