At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize