The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
