I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't deserve a penis
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
