There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
