new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize