I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
