I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I didn't notice because vodka
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
