Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize