Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
