Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
