Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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