hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Still dying that you shit outside
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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