Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this just has baby written all over it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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