My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
